it’s the time of the year when the weather suddenly cools and there is just wind blowing and blowing every moment. i like the cool weather though it doesn’t rain as often as i would like it to. my three boy cousins are staying over at my house and they get pretty noisy sometimes. perhaps after being by myself for all these years, i am never able to live with someone else for long. i have kind of subjected myself to a world where no one else can enter nor can i leave. just like a world surrounded by glass; i can see you and you can see me, but the glass exterminates all form of verbal communication so that nothing can be heard. to be honest, i don’t understand myself anymore now as i grow further apart from some things while being drawn towards another. it seems to be of my own will and yet it’s happening subconsciously till maybe someday i will finally reach the end – the extreme. i remember having this quote when there was this sense of obsession upon me: Obsession is like walking towards the edge of a cliff when you know you’ll reach the end one day. i have long realised that obsession is a scary thing. somehow it is, as something alongside of maybe depression?

my windows are opened, to receive the mild breeze from the exterior of this enclosed world of mine. i haven’t opened my windows for a long time; my door is always closed; curtains drawn.. the wind brings in flashes of time that’s almost been lost to me. the familiar and yet distant touch to it; my room has never felt like this in a long time. two years? it has never been the same since an april day, when the sun was in the sky and then he was gone. it was never like this before. is it nearing two years?

once again, it’s the time of the year when you can really feel Christmas approaching, quick as a comet, and then it’ll be over as soon as we realise it. my room. that misty feeling of the past is so vague and intangible. the moments. it’s almost possible that Time had once encompassed all of my thoughts, hopes, dreams, disappointments and sorrows in a simpler way. but Time has slipped away, unnoticed, along with all those. nothing remains the same, afterall. Christmas had always been his favourite season, but from then on, he’d gone away from us. just at that moment, i wish Time had stopped upon us.

these days, sorrow returns.