This is my first blog entry of the year, and I couldn’t help but realise January has almost already passed me by. I didn’t make new year resolutions, unlike past years, because I knew I won’t open that piece of paper until it’s time to make another list. There were lots of things I’d rather forget, but at the same time there were even more happy things I’d want to remember and and reminisce about. Everything happens for a purpose.
Final Year Project is ongoing. On some days I think of flunking, on some days I berate myself for thinking stupid thoughts, on some days I dream about my project complete and working on full scale, on some days I can’t see the goal or anything at all, on some days I think thought I was doing fine and doing something I really wanted to do for now (illustrations, vsc stuff) etc.
And then those days came to an end, I now think of alternatives, of what else is there that I can finish in three weeks, think about priorities, whether to insist on conceptualising it my way and end up 10% complete, or throw in the towel and just do it for the fear of failing. Drawing the entire storyboard took half my life, and almost paralysed my hand.. like for real. It probably looked easy and I guess you could do it in three days, but no, I couldn’t draw properly and it’s something I have never done before, on this scale. I am spent. Dump it all? Gosh I don’t know anymore.
No one deserves anything if they don’t work hard for it. I totally deserve it by working in the wrong direction.
自分には負けたくない
自分には負けたくない
自分には負けたくない
If I keep thinking about this, then I might be able to pull through.
Simply because: I don’t want to lose to myself.
Meanwhile, I will busy myself with everything else except for school and be distracted… until a solution comes by. Let this be a brand new year, and a chance for me to restart in not just areas of my project but myself as a whole. Start growing, start feeling, start living.
I don’t want to lose to – you.
(and, happy moo moo to everyone out there. yeah)
