I am bent on completing a layout within these two days. If not, I might as well quit thinking about being a designer in future. Creating a template is taking me so much longer than it used to now; not even the creation is equally good. The past few have been over-complicated, with the indication that many details are redundant. So this version 35 in fact shall be very plain, or maybe blank. Hopefully, hopefully, as impacting like version 25 – 1985 last december.

But I guess not.

Here’s a little Christmas song from the days of my childhood which I haven’t sang for a very long time. It suddenly came into my mind and I was just singing it..

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The simple but touching tune brings back a lot of memories as well as the often overlooked or forgotten true meaning of Christmas – Jesus.

First Christmas gift this year – from Cathleen. Thanks a whole truckload, my dear best friend! I love the present!!!! (I ain’t cheating because the wrapper’s translucent, see that?)

Had Cathleen over my house yesterday afternoon and I’m all familiar with daidee now, all thanks to Cat yet again =D Call me a dummy for not knowing the many common card games. Suits you. We actually had nothing much to do and hey presto! I digged out a War of the Worlds DVD. It’s a unopened one, so it should be obvious I haven’t watched it at all. Not too interested initially I must admit, Tom Cruise, whoever. But interesting things do happen at timely instances… For instance the very sudden, unpredicted storm yesterday arrived while the tv was showing the hurricane-like whirlwinds, lightning striking and a fabulous scene of alien-invasion. Interesting! I slid open the balcony door (we switched on the aircon) and was sure I saw whirling leaves carried high up along by the wind accompanied by hissing noises. And of course much rain, though shortlived. o.O” The first thing that came into my mind was: are the aliens invading Singapore too? HAHAHA. Not too bad an alien show, but bloody as it seems, the protagonists in these stories always manage to survive. Even the most seemingly impossible situations too. Whaa, such a good ending isn’t it?

The sad thing is that, I have an imagination that works OT without extra pay. No it doesn’t mean that the movie scared me (by the way it wasn’t horrifying at all okay) but it did bug me by forcing itself into the fog of my dreams. Recently my dreams are all of objects, people, thoughts or the things people say – all intermixed together. Exactly, that’s how it always work to become what, rojak? It turned out to be “nap”-mare, of all things. Blarh. Something along the lines of a ghost, now how do I describe it… perhaps a small similar figure to that of Ju-on (funny, I haven’t seen that flick), a small girl? At the desolate train station I saw her climbing in a veryyyy quick motion up a hole from under the train (think about the scene in War of the Worlds where the guy was sucked up into the UFO by that bloody sucking uhh..) and scream at me. -_-” Freak me out huh. Hide hide hide, of course I wanted to; having endeavoured to cover my ears, close my eyes, her image couldn’t be obliterated which was the most disturbing thing. I remember travelling in a car and there were some words like those of a street side store name being reflected on the window and I couldn’t help but to see it and there, it’s absorbed by my mind. Hm think KOTC where Kingshaw says terrible things (yes the words felt like the spectre herself.. who knows what), once you start reading them you can’t ever stop until all of it’s in your head. Well, I think you know how it’s like. Ugh, half-awake and stiff lying on my back, I kept remembering “it” as if nothing’d shrug it off, not even with my eyes shut. Okay, I did wake up anyway, with chills down my spine (what other description is there..). Finally, I inquired my mother if the kids downstairs had been screaming their lungs out prior to my waking up. DARN I’ll kill those kids one day. See, haven’t I already told you that things from reality get weaved into dreams and eventually end up like servants of metamorphosis. It does get real bad most of the time, particularly when logics are twisted such that you’re confused (in your dreams) whether it’s real, unreal, logical or illogical even though you feel it’s always the other way. *Hey I know I know why “nightmare”; the previous night I watched ???? Fatal Love? on the laptop. About a ghastly encounter Chi Ken-Wing (bespectacled Leslie in 1988!!) with a female ghost who turns out to be a fake haha. Now having mentioned all the above, it doesn’t sound or feel as scary as the moment just before I woke from the dream. HAHAR.*

Hahah here’s another example, I just manage to recall: When I was much younger, there was this dream about a vampire at the door. All because, I was taking a nap and someone just had to ring the doorbell. LOL that was lame but true! Sigh, the things the mind does…. you never know!

Recently, or rather these few days, sleep really isn’t easy to come by. Affected by my imagination, I’m seriously losing sleep. Eyebags, yes. Not that I haven’t had them since a long time ago. Just that, I hate sleeplessness. I HATE SLEEPLESSNESS! I WANT MY SLEEP BACK! why in the world do I have to be insomniac. ARGH! GOODNIGHT!!! – 10.42pm

Firstly, (although I’m 101% that he won’t see this) here’s a Happy Birthday greeting to my dear cousin Yong Ern! Finally turned 15 (sorry I meant 14)… Though I still think you hold a semblance to the China actor Liu Ye. Haha. Continue to develop your talent in the field of drama and performances; maybe next time I’ll be asking for your autograph!

I’m back to English here – sorry to Cat that you couldn’t get to read my Chinese entry =( Maybe next time! You haven’t been tagging for a long time… Ahh my tagboard misses you!! It seems that I’m well into the days of writing Christmas cards again, only that this time round I start early, unlike in the past where all the Christmas gifts and cards were only rushed out on Christmas eve itself, way into the middle of the night. I’m early this year!! But because there’s a truckload of individual cards to be written, that’s why it’s not much of a choice, isn’t it?

Yesterday night had been rather exceptional, and it evoked the familiar memories of the period just around the O’levels; I couldn’t sleep yet again. There had been a period, for as far back as I could remember, where there wasn’t any tossing and turning, but just sleep. Peaceful it had been, then. Like Leslie, he always manages to sleep almost immediately even when there were troubles within his heart. During the O’levels, it was disparate, because sleeplessness wasn’t mainly caused by the exam anxieties or worries, just something else. When I come to think of it, that period was like a dream yet of such torture because there were many prohibitions you’d have to keep youself under. Because of that, the more I broke those rules; by starting to study at 12am all the way till I had to go to school for the paper (aren’t we always told to have enough sleep); by ending up watching a movie at 2am after having started with 1 mind boggling question (that I gave up) of Maths paper 2 for the next day; by not being able to finish studying Biology; by going home after Geog paper 1 and taking a nap till it was time to return for Physics paper 1 and 2… and the list goes on. It’s funny! The things I’ve done are the definite Not-to-dos especially, especially, ESPECIALLY when you’re taking the O’levels. Ahh it’s funny, the way it turned out. And so it turned out I’m still not a mugger, who would go all out to mug every page and memorize every detail of every subject. I’m just not cut to be one; I only forced myself to study because I didn’t finish studying. Haha. If you ask me, I still miss the days of the O’s =) Somehow relaxing in a way because stressing oneself isn’t a way, at all.

Now I continue to wonder how it could be that yesterday was such a sleepless night; after trying to “hypnotize” myself with the comfort of the aircon and bed, nothing was achieved. Or in other words, not an inch closer to dreamland, lalaland, whatever you call that. At intervals of 20minutes I kept checking my handphone only to realise nearly two hours had gone – it was about 4am. Sigh, sleepless nights have never been of my liking. There were many things that ran through my head, whether I willed for it or not, and among all things, I can remember thinking about a person from church that have disappeared out of my life. A person from my distant past; not that she was ever in my life, nor that I have ever liked her in any way, but just the years that have gone by. Changes. Among these were other words, people or things; perhaps some songs evocative of some distant memories, or unforgettable movie scenes… Some of them endeavoured to pour forth my tears while some tugged at the strings of my feelings; neither of which succeeded. Emotionless, this word came to my mind; an empty shell. Certainly I felt like this, a feeling so inexplicable yet resounding. Because the resonance of the emptiness rings louder than silence.

Having looked through my archives recently, again I stumbled across this entry A touch of winter that I vividly remember writing. It is a real wonder after going through the many happenings in a year, feelings at a particular time or month remains. A touch of winter, that is, the cooling breeze of December. Peculiarly, I still feel that way; opened windows befitting dancing blue curtains. It’s the time of the year, yet again. Be it two years, three years down the road, will this queer feeling linger?

By the way, I woke up remembering that I dreamt of Leslie today. There’s no clear image, but it is surely Leslie. Garbled up dreams… along with other things as well. Haha.

Lastly, to Cathleen: old friend, though there’s not much I can do to alleviate your hurtful or violent emotions, do understand that I understand how you feel sometimes. I do! We haven’t been to each other’s house or out window shopping since eons ago.. better meet up soon =) Or if you’re feeling violent, trying using Old Man Leow as your punchbag… because I too feel like punching him sometimes ^^

To end off, enjoy this holiday period as much as you can! Do have lots of fun reminising with the old friends as well as new… because the year’s closing extremely soon, and you should not preclude the possibilities in future conversations that remind you: December 2005 had been so memorable and happy!! As for me, I’ve a lot of catching up to do as well. Good evening! -7.38pm

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-12.45am