APPLETASTIC » Rants

Overstepped

est — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 18:19:14 +0000

My body finally breaking down is its way of telling me that I have had enough, that I need to stop obssessing over work that doesn’t mean much to anyone else. To be a chronic worrier hurts so bad from all the sleepless nights and days of attempting to quell the feeling, which exacerbated it, on the contrary. I was actually doing more just so I’d not be deemed as not having put in enough. Surely I didn’t want the latter to happen, hence I took it the hard way, realising too belatedly that putting myself through all that, was what killed.

But don’t you disappoint (wait, were there even expectations.), don’t you screw up because how often do you get a project this significant to you? Still, it’s my own damned fault for not having figured where to draw the line at, and how little or how much is sufficient. Guess only experience can back you up with wiser and more valid decisions.

I feel every ounce of energy has been drained (or expelled radically through this terrible coughing fit that’s been on for days) and I’m left hanging by a thread, not the least concerned about how the last 3 weeks came to be. They say hate the game, not the players. Finish what you started.

Truth be told, what an awfully miserable time. Can’t turn back now – just do it.

But was it worthwhile?

Honestly speaking

est — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 18:10:28 +0000

So freaking tired I don’t care if I don’t wake up tomorrow. This pretty much sums up the entire week, and maybe my life.

Break, in both senses of the word

est — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 16:11:32 +0000

Today it feels like someone put a hairdryer to my head, forgot and left it there, returning only afterwards with a bucket of ice to carelessly chill it. Equally tired lately, frustrated at the way things are going but I can’t really do anything about it and this very fact keeps me questioning myself about a million things, dreaming up alternatives only to be crushed by the weight of reality.

My head is spinning, still spinning.

絆

est — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 12:19:00 +0000

泣けるほど苦しい。
何で私たちはそんなになってしまったの。
私は友達として弱くて、自己中心ばっかりで、大切なことを面倒くさく見ている程度に本当は最低だ。
多分私のせいだったのに、申し上げないって言葉は難しすぎる。
皆の傷はどうやって直せばいいの。
誰か正しい道を見せてくれないか。

I just want to let go.

Listen

est — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 05:54:02 +0000

I’ll speak my mind, I’ll say very mean things but I won’t. Because this is so not worth it.

Yet I did.

mocking

est — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 17:45:54 +0000

Skinning for WP in CSS is, after all, not as easy as I’ve come to expect after dappling with it at work for the past few days. The little things that went wrong with the output brutally reminded me of why I had given a personal blog template up for a common ready-made one D: Yes this blog is in dire need of REDESIGN. It’s mocking me so bad. BUT I WILL DO IT ONE DAY. ONE FINE DAY. Hmm.

Oh, and work has been slightly more tiring. That’s all I can say. Meanwhile, I need to stop napping late at night thinking I would be able to sustain my consciousness afterwards, enough to get me started on drawing productively. Cause I can’t. Even if I don’t, tiredness doesn’t decrease, and my bed stares me down till the point I cave in to sleep.

Sometimes I’m too tired to even process any form of thoughts. Huh?

my hair smells like cigarette smoke

est — Sat, 11 Sep 2010 19:06:30 +0000

clubbing is shit.
never understood, and maybe never will,
the reason why people willingly step in there cause it stinks.
literally as well as figuratively.
with bad lights and alcohol to bring out the worst in people.
they let loose beneath a shroud of faceless anonymity,
all the while thinking damn it’s cool
to have earned the right to do as they please,
conveniently excusing themselves with the
ten thousand glasses they’ve just downed.

i’m saying, that isn’t.

underline

est — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 20:34:30 +0000

relationships between people hang on a line so thin the further both ends are being stretched, the more tension stored in those minute fibres; they quiver with intensity with the slightest tug, they unwind in all directions when succumbed to pressure, and -

it snaps.

everyone’s been balancing on that thin line lately. so many lines have been broken; hearts and hopes alike. i’m swaying between the broken ends right where whole and perfect should have been, but it’s not like i’m endowed with the skills to mend it. what if i’m not trying hard enough? i’m so clueless. life has no right answers, and the decision must come from none other than you.

the thin line is not for me to trust. unhappy experiences are undeniably unhappy experiences; that when you fast forward to the end of your life, they still count, and you still wish they hadn’t existed.

so, what better than to stave off some while you have the means? devoid of feelings or face the sting. in these moments i like to take a mindless, lengthy plunge into sleep.

RAHmen

est — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 10:12:39 +0000

If you serve me what you claim as ramen that comes in a mess of yellow frozen supermarket bought noodles tasting a bit too much like msg dunked in a crappy soup base, –

I AM GOING TO HATE AND BOYCOTT YOUR ~~RESTAURANT~~ RAMEN DISHES FOREVER.

rep

est — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 18:09:16 +0000

You feel the need to bitch? Go ahead and do it in your own private time. Spelling out names in full online – in the process allowing robots to register it in search engines – and spewing childish “degratory remarks” is too way unethical especially when the statements are so overly baseless.

And overdue.